Kids do
the darndest things. People make the oddest comments. Strangers overstep the
boundaries of obvious propriety. If you don’t agree with these statements, odds
are you haven’t been a breast-pumping mama.
Just for
fun (and as a way to commiserate through the awkward) we compressed versions of
the best/worst breast pumping stories we have recently heard.
“When my
son was just about two months old my sister would stop by a lot to lend a hand.
She always brought her son, Geoffrey, who was four at the time. After a few
weeks of afternoon visits I got kind of lax with my pumping and would walk
around with my pump attached under my robe. One day out of the blue Geoffrey
blurted out, ‘Auntie Jo—you’re a cow!’ Apparently he had recently visited a
working farm with his pre-school class and they watched the milking process. And
I was the cow.” -Mary Jo, Vermont
“I
stopped pumping for my nine month old shortly after I found my five year old
daughter happily laying on top of the pump while it was vibrating.” -Jenny, New Jersey
“The
second Christmas my husband and I were married was also the first Christmas
with my daughter. We traveled to Akron to be with my in-laws for the holiday.
They had just re-carpeted the guest bedroom with expensive, new WHITE carpet.
Of course, the first night we were there I spilled an entire bottle of
expressed breast milk on the new carpet. My mother-in-law dropped passive
aggressive comments the rest of our visit like, “Well we’ll always remember you
were in the guest room.” And “I don’t remember my breast milk smelling so
foul.” And “I guess your father-in-law and I will know what we’ll be giving
each other next Christmas: more new carpeting." -Angela, Ohio
"I
thought I was a pumping pro by my second month back at work. And then one day I
had a big presentation just after lunch. I wore my best blouse. It was silk.
Because I thought I was such a master, I wasn’t paying much attention during my
lunch pumping session and I had attached the flange to my breast—slightly off
center. To save seconds I had unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it down, rather
than taking it off completely. By the time I realized I was dripping a
fist-sized stain had pooled on the front of my shirt. It was a nightmare
presentation. But I got through it—stained left boob and all. We still got the
new business. Here’s to awkwardly pushing through!" -Allison,
Texas
“We were
at my in-laws for a Fourth of July picnic. When I needed to pump my husband
told me I should go to his parent’s room since they had turned his childhood
bedroom into an office with no comfortable seat. But he forgot to tell my
father-in-law. Halfway through the pumping session, he walked in. His face was
red as a firecracker the rest of the day.” -Emily, Connecticut
“I was in
line at the grocery store. My daughter was nuzzled in her car seat in the
shopping cart. The clerk smiled at her and then at me and sweetly asked, “Are
you nursing?” I said, “Yes.” Then she asked, “Do you ever pump?” And I said,
“Yes.” She scanned a few items and looked me straight on and asked, “Doesn’t it
taste really good?” I looked at her for a second to try to read her expression.
When I realized she was completely serious I had to look anywhere but at her—at
my cell phone, at my daughter, into my wallet. Thankfully it was time to pay
and I could get out of there. What an odd thing to say—to anyone, let alone a
stranger?!" -Miriam, Illinois
Hopefully,
you’ve never experienced anything quite as awkward as these ladies. And if you
have, just remember you’re not alone. And laugh it off. You’re a pumping mama,
doing your very best for you precious little one.
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